george carlin government doesn't care about you

Dont look for it. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. It's supposed to imply thoughtfulness or intelligence. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan? Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. I'm the Founder of SucceedFeed.com and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and being apart of the Succeed Feed community. BULLSHIT! So, basically, what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who has had more than one period is a serial killer! OK? Elected with the help of the moral majority and the Teamsters union. "(pop, pop) Been up all week, man! George Carlin was incendiary, he was hilarious, he was often the smartest dude (and biggest smartass) on the block, and he was a national treasure. It's not intelligent to stand around with a controlled fire sticking out of your mouth. God? When you get to Wikipedia, in the search field for Wikipedia, I want you to type in ". And the supreme arrogance? You ever watch golf on television? It's a shame everything has to have a label. Germany lost the Second World War. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. With Nina Feldman. That's my advice. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. On the radio. Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else., Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language and is generally stupid., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person., If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders., If you have selfish and ignorant citizens then you too will become a selfish and bad leader.. 101 Marianne Williamson Quotes That Will Enlighten You. So he's gotta do everything he can to fuck the other guy a little bit faster and a little bit harder. 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Go look for consistency in religion. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. Its interested in its own power. And there's no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. People are wonderful one at a time. "The planet is fine. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. You never hear them say Jesus made me drop the ball. The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage. According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. Over the years, dozens of joke lists and rants have been forwarded around the internet and misattributed to George Carlin. Produced by Will Reid and Michael Simon Johnson. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. It is a coincidence. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating What the fuck do white people have to be blue about? The planet is fine. Its been here over four billion years The planet isnt goin anywhere, folks. What George Carlin Believed About Religion I sit there laughing and they go to waste. Remember that? A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York City, to Mary (Bearey), a secretary, and Patrick John Carlin, an advertising manager for The Sun; they had met while working in marketing. Zach Urban on Twitter: "RT @WideAwake444: Government doesn't care about Why isnt selling fucking legal? Ask an addict. Something I could really count on. George Carlin He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing . It's a Divine Plan. Everywhere you go now, there's some dick, some yo-yo, some putz with a camcorder, and he is going to tapeEVERYTHING! They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, 37. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin, 64. Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin, 20. You have no choice. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. Pack your shit, were goin away. They'll get it. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. Guys would say, "Come back here and fight like a person," And we'd all sing "For it's a jolly good person." And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. You see all, sooner or later. No. My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Well, if it's undisputed, what's all the fighting about? 30. And generally speaking, people on the right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. Sleepy was into reds. Author of the memoir The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses. On Health Care: George Carlin Called It | by Sean Murphy - Medium Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, 3. Offer good while supplies last. The Divine Plan. 17. Is this the noblest thing that women can think of? Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. When a business man sits down to negotiate a deal, the first thing he does is to automatically assume that the other guy is a complete lying prick who's trying to fuck him outta his money. Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images, Seth Meyers White House Correspondents' Dinner Speech, Dan Quayle Funny Quotes and Misstatements, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, France Jokes and Funny Quotes About France, Bidenisms: Funniest Joe Biden Quotes and Gaffes, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Use your fucking heads! 23. The best (and funniest) George Carlin Quotes on politics, life & death and of course the American government Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. They want me to call that thing in the street a "person-hole cover;" I think that's taking it a little bit too far. Original music by Dan Powell and Marion Lozano . If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor. Just for you? 8 George Carlin Quotes On Death That Will Make You Think! First thing- "Hey! And they seem to understand what I'm talking about. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. My first rule, I dont believe anything the government tells me And I dont take very seriously the media or the press in this country. George Carlin, 82. And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. Carlin got famous for his bit about the words you cant say on television, but his legacy speaks of so much more, wisdom and wit that deserve to live on through the ages. You dont. When are they gonna outlaw this shit? Like the public. Anything differentthat's what they're gonna talk aboutrace, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other, so that they can keep going to the bank! War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget. I believe the list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. No nothing. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Let me get a sip of water hereyou figure this stuff is safe to drink? Keep em showing up at those jobs. George Carlin, 81. Hosted by Sabrina Tavernise. They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. That's all the media and the politicians are ever talking aboutthe things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. We havent tried that for a while. You have no right to complain. I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"! I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice is so different. For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. The poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Actually, it's our way of saying, "Bend over just a little bit farther, so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit deeper!". Because chickens are decent people. That's all it is. His medium was stand-up, but he touched on issues of race, class, politics and American life saying the kinds of things no one else dared. Yeup, sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize the government doesn't give a fuck about them. And you know, I always wanted to work in a delicatessen just so that a woman would come in one day and ask me to. Then you become a baby, and then You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions central heating, room service on tap, and then You finish off as an orgasm. Isn't that nice? On Election Day, I stay home. ", In 2001, the official George Carlin website explicitly stated that the list including all of these lines was not the work of Carlin. You see all, sooner or later. They own all the important land. A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand. Dead. Save the planet? Save the planet? People who have large gums and small teeth. It's like "pre-recorded" "This program was pre-recorded." Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. Am I right? ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Doesn't it strike you as mildly ironic that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? ", Variations of this piece have also been misattributed to, "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body". A brain surgeon with "Born to Lose" tattooed on his hands. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Maybe a little Styrofoam. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Nothing sacred about those things. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle-class and lower-class men off to die. George Carlin, 78. What would you call a lady's man, a "person's person"? 29. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it because youve lost your identity because you now owe your allegiance to this thing thats bigger than you are and that controls you. George Carlin, 71. Did you ever notice that, how many stupid people you run into during the day? A lot of these cultural crimes I've been complaining about can be blamed on the Baby Boomers, something else I'm getting tired of hearing aboutwhiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "GIMME IT, IT'S MINE!" Rights arent rights if someone can take them away. I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. So they killed a lot of white English people, in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out of the rest of the red Indian people, so they move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. It's interested in its own power, THAT'S THE ONLY THING, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! George Carlin, 67. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." "Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. And he's gotta do it with a big. Or 'I brake for advanced melanoma'. "Do you believe in. The House of Blues they ought to call it the House of Lame White Motherfuckers; inauthentic, low frequency, single-digit, lame, white motherfuckers especially these male movie stars who think theyre blues artists. 34. The planet will be here, and well be gone. But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?". "Pre-existing", "pre-planning", "pre-screening" you know what I tell these people? So arrogant. George Carlin on God "The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. I gave up on this stuff. Everybody gets one swing. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Nine years ago today we lost not only one of our better comics, but one of our most vital and intelligent voices. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Fertilization: When the sperm fertilizes the egg, which is usually a few moments after the man says, "Gee, honey, I was gonna pull out, but the phone rang and it startled me." That's generally been true. But most of this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid. ", "Rockets And Penises In The Persian Gulf", Now, to balance the scale, I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together, things that point out our similarities instead of our differences. They don't take into them the idea that we are part of it. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. I can't wait for some of these cities to disappear. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt! But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshiper. It creates a hostile work environment." They own, and control the corporations. 46. Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. There are no innocent victims. So come on in. Instead, what you do is kick him in the nuts. 01. Hope these quotes will give you a different perspective on government and how it works. Government is an important institution. 19. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. No nothing. You name the country, we've got the plan. Why isn't selling fucking legal? There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. 225 different people in the Ronald Reagan administration have either quit, been fired, arrested, indicted or convicted of either breaking the law or violating the ethics code! I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Some of these one-liners included: "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Carlin got famous for his bit about the "words you can't say on television," but his legacy speaks of so much more, wisdom and wit that deserve to live on through the ages. It's true. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? (12), We're not satisfied with forcing Russia to destroy its nuclear weapons and recant its ideology. That empty shit they shuffle around and repackage every four years doesn't mean a thing. Heres some bumper stickers Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. We have a daughter in public school who hasnt been knocked up yet. We have a son in public school who hasnt shot any of his classmates yet. Then youre just what theyre looking for. 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