Yeah, the public sucks. What do you get at the end of it A Death Whats that, a bonus I think the life cycle is all backwards., If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?. WebGeorge Carlin War, Cancer, America 209 Copy quote The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. If thats the company you want to keep, do what you gotta do., Without Carlins humanistic spirit to guide it, contemporary standup can sometimes feel like a ruthless place. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. I've set my own rules to live by. We havent tried that for a while. But He loves you. Hey Pandas, What Is Something You Do That You're Not Sure Anyone Else Does? He despised euphemism and the policing of language, reviled what he called the continued puss-ification of the American male and rebuked his countrymen who would trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling the illusion of security.. (Closed), The Beauty Of Nature At Dawn: I Created 38 Images Using An AI Generator, I Travelled To Hoi An, Vietnam, And Took Pictures To Show What Peoples Life Looks Like During Flood Season, Hey Pandas, What Was The Most Cursed Building You Saw? The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. I was a loner as a child. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death. It creates a hostile work environment." Property is theft. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). "It's harder to be funny from the position of power. George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. There is nothing wrong with the planet. George Carlin Your dog thinks you're a god. And Im like, no. Carlin was arrested in Milwaukee in 1972 on obscenity and disorderly conduct charges. Maron contended that free-speech conflicts have shifted since Carlins era in such a way that it doesnt make sense to drag Carlin back into them. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. ' Avoid teams at all costs. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Nearly 14 years after his death, his provocative humor has been embraced by people across the political spectrum. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin. If youre born in America you get a front row seat., I think people should be allowed to do what they want. They dont fall out of the sky. Now I feel better., Theres a humorous side to every situation. Hendra, a writer and comedian, talks with Rebecca Roberts about Carlin's life and legacy. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm., Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist., I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. The planet isn't going away. Brain Droppings, Hyperion. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? George Carlin Quotes on Death & Dying (4 Quotes) George Carlin Start writing! A lot of us know that youre supposed to say Carlin is an influence, but I dont think a lot of us can back that up, the comedian Nikki Glaser said. Mark Goff/Bettmann Archive, via Getty Images, was shown on a recent broadcast of the MSNBC program 11th Hour., He despised euphemism and the policing of language, a routine from his 1999 special, You Are All Diseased,, which was criticized as transphobic and prompted walkouts at Netflix. I just dont have as many people who believe it., Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. AFTER THE DEATH OF HIS WIFE! "Meow" means - "Come attend my needs hooman! Click here to view. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. But there is an I in independence, individuality, andintegrity. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. George Carlin Quotes ", Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things., Theres no present. That's the problem. Nobody owns anything. A lack of familiarity with Carlins words, his history and his values can lead to misapprehension when his arguments are stretched to fit present-day conditions he didnt live to see. I'm a smoker. George Carlin Quotes About Death | A-Z Quotes Carlin was a complex thinker and he didnt like to adhere to any one ideology or religion. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? But we must admit that Irish foreplay consists of little more than "You awake?" Lol, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, and anyone driving the same speed as you is a copycat /j, Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body., So you're saying that I have to eat joy to be happy? Remembering his wisdom could make your journey through grief just a little bit easier than expected. Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty Images. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions., I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? Theres this fearlessness in comedy now that is so fake, Glaser said. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. The following statement is true. Carlins personal politics were readily identifiable. George Carlin Quotes Read on to find out more about his opinion and other peoples thoughts on death! Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. They own, and control the corporations. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death., I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam., Some people see the glass half full. "Read my lips," and "Make my day." Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. So arrogant. It's been here over four billion years . Enjoy! Nothing changed. Then you live in an old age home. Comedian George Carlin had some interesting things to say about death, and his quotes provide some much-needed insight into this taboo topic. Weve added years to life, not life to years.. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. ', Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., Basically just storage for all the stuff you buy but don't need /j, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away.. Never join a group that has a name. We're gonna save the fuckin' planet? They performed together for some years before Carlin went solo. yeah this describes me most days. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. George Carlin I put a dollar in a change machine. George Carlin 11. God has a three-day weekend., People are wonderful one at a time. 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.193, Hachette UK, George Carlin (1998). I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.. Enjoy! Not that my conception was the tale of two young lovers, carried away by passion and strong wine. At the Paramount Theater in Times Square, Bing Crosby and Frances Farmer starred in Rhythm on the Range. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning., Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?, I have lots of ideas. Hey Pandas, What Is Something That Happened In Your Life That You Wish Happened Again? Maybe this time itll work.. Over time, though, his success grew. That Carlins work endures long after him is not only a testament to his talents; its a sign that his frustrations, which he expressed humorously but felt authentically, still resonate with audiences, and that the injustices he identified in American society persist to this day. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Near the end of his remarks, Maher invoked the comedian George Carlin, a personal hero whose iconoclastic spirit, he seemed to believe, could never thrive in such a thin-skinned and overly entitled era. Property is theft. As he explained in a 1997 interview on The Chris Rock Show, he essentially saw himself as a playful provocateur. The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! George Carlin would have been anti-vaccination, she said. Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Those are the sitting in a nursing home, not knowing who you are, and sh!tting in a diaper years. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. these days they'd have to be locally sourced, cruelty-free, gluten free, sugar free, gender neutral and couldn't be animal shaped because that would demean the zoographical archetypes they represent. He produced more than 20 albums and made over a hundred appearances in He is widely regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians, one of the first in the 1960s to use profanity in his routines. And Carlin remains almost universally admired as a free-speech pioneer: He was arrested in 1972 for a performance of Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television, and that same routine would later play a key role when the federal government asserted its power to regulate the broadcast of indecent content. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. But, she added, if youre a comedian, youve got to be funny., If youre going to take the audience over the line, youve got to construct things in a way that theyre willingly crossing it with you, she said. Whats that, a bonus? Copywriter and content writer on a quest to explore every corner of the world, one country at a time. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Your feedback will help us improve the article. being we're still seeing what happens when you let attention-whores and power mongers do anything they f*****g well want and it's made the world a decidedly shittier place. Period. Did Dave Chappelle do that for everybody? George Carlin What do dogs do on their day off? Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. George Carlin Used Comedy To Preach His Views Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. This was when cable tv channels were limited and we didn't have the internet of course! When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Avoid teams at all cost. Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! Nothing left. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them., The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.. Where are the assassins when we really need them? 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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?, Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in., There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls., When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. The challenge is to find it. On other modern-day topics in which George Carlin surely would have had an incendiary but clarifying take on the Trump and Biden presidencies, social media, Elon Musk or the Marvel Cinematic Universe no matter how much we might wish to know his thoughts, he remains frustratingly out of reach. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. It's never going to get any better. Documentary, Comedy, 2005. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? I think the life cycle is all backwards. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. . Quote by George Carlin: Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, d (?) Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. George Carlin At a formal dinner party, And then it was like, this is not my job. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us! Some times, talking to yourself, is the only way to have an intelligent conversation. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. What gave him his potency, Gunderson said, was that he turned his standup into a call to action. Carlin, she said, taught everyone where to find the power that they have and encouraged them to use it.. The world's remaining most beautiful places are much sought after. You should die first, get it out of the way. "Life Is Worth Losing". Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Let us know what you think! LANGUAGE ADVISORY: There is language in this excerpt that some readers may find offensive. He would do that every decade or so, said Judd Apatow, the comedian and filmmaker who directed the documentary with Michael Bonfiglio. Enjoy! Gunderson, of the National Comedy Center, described Carlin as a leader who didnt want to hold all the power. The ultimate lesson he had for us, she said, is that we have the unlimited right to challenge everything, to never stop thinking critically about any source of power or any institution even Carlin himself. I mean, life is tough. When controversy engulfed Dave Chappelles 2021 special The Closer, which was criticized as transphobic and prompted walkouts at Netflix, Carlins name was invoked, even though no one could be certain what position he might have taken: Would he have criticized Chappelle as intolerant or defended his right to express himself? Thats the problem., Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.. 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For the most part, Carlin left behind no protgs or appointed successors. Bravo/NBCUPB It's so fuckin' heroic., The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live., We're so self-important. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Aggravation is not always funny., And Carlins routines, particularly from his splenetic, late-period specials, have hardly lost their punch. I think the life cycle is all backwards. That leftist bent was unmistakable in Carlins standup, too: He railed against police violence, championed prison reform and environmentalism and condemned organized religion. A headline in that Saturday's New York Post said "Hot, sticky, rainy weekend begins. Then your an a*****e. Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Property is theft. . Every now and then you find yourself in a different place., Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life., A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. Some people see the glass half full. He always needs money! We respect your privacy. You have no choice. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. 2. Did you enjoy this article? Enjoy the best George Carlin Quotes at BrainyQuote. You have owners. I saw his show back when he was riffing on "Stuff'" and the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. Nobody owns anything. George Carlin Quotes Dont just teach your children to read. Well, let's look at those 10 years, shall we. GEORGE CARLIN POST 9-11 (His wife had recently died) Isnt it amazing that the George Carlin gross and mouthy comedian of the 70s and 80s could write something so very eloquent. Deal with it., People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. when did life get so complicated w pointless b******t. What if there were no hypothetical questions?, Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away., Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it., I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. Maybe a little Styrofoam. As those who were closest to him have learned, when he is unable to advocate for himself, he can be made to seem like he supported any opinion at all. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. They own all the important land. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Others see it half empty. . A leading voice that influenced other comedians and an important figure in both the counterculture and mainstream culture, George Carlin was noted for his black comedy as well as his thoughts on politics, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. oops george it's 2022, you're not allowed to say men or women anymore, the tumblr thought police would have to cancel you if you weren't f*****g dead We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass., I have as much authority as the Pope. Try spelling Evian backward. George Carlin Theres a humorous side to every situation. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Their reconciliations were sudden because my father had a terrific line of bullshit. A Death! WebGeorge Carlin : The most dramatic one of all has to be New Hampshire's, which says Live Free or DIE! A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. Hes not a cheese. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. ', I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. Poor puppy!! Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices. The planet is fine been here 4 1/2 billion years. WebHe had an uncanny ability to cut through the clutter of everyday life, and for this, we want to honor this man with our favorite inspirational quotes from George Carlin. His fans include Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan. It seems only right. I like to bother people, he said, adding that he tried to figure out where the line is drawn, and then deliberately cross it and drag the audience with you. In fact the preceding six years of my parents' marriage had consisted entirely of long separations, punctuated by sudden brief reconciliations and occasional sex-fests. Whereas George was always making things totally accessible., (Even in her fathers later years, Kelly Carlin said, if he had an idea for a topical joke, rather than put it in his act, he would share them with people like the broadcaster Keith Olbermann, who was then the host of Countdown on MSNBC.